I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
