I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
