The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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