and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize