: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize