I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
