this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
