why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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