Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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