Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
