How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
