I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
