So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
