Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
What drink are we having for lunch?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
