it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Do vagina's smell?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
