i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
