She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
