hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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