Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
