I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
