new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
