Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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