You can't special order awesome
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we're making bets on your personal life
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
