I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
