Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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