how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
