Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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