i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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