Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
