capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize