just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
