You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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