why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
