my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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