I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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