Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
