I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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