sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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