just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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