Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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