Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
