I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
