I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
