you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
