I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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