I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
