Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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