Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
