I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
