I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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