I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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