my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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