I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
