This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
