Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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