I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
