Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
