Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
