somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
how does that bad decision feel?
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