New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize