Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
