It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
