you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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