I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
