i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
my shit smells like andre
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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