1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
