you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
