I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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