She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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