Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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