4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
