i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
