Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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