he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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