I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
