listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
