I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
